APRIL FOOL’S: Comic-Con International Announces Everything Is Now a Lottery

hall h lineAfter Wednesday’s big news that this year’s San Diego Comic-Con hotel sale would operate essentially as a lottery through the use of a randomized waiting room, Comic-Con International revealed today that they aren’t through making changes. New for 2016, they’ve announced that everything will be a lottery.

“We  know how much our attendees love lotteries,” Dale Glanzer, the cousin of former Comic-Con International spokesman David Glanzer who is taking over the position for the week, said. “So we’ve determined that we’re going to make everything at Comic-Con a lottery. From parking to hotels, to getting into the exhibit floor and panels, to getting into line at Starbucks, to using the shuttle or the bathroom.”

“I actually only got this job because in a special lottery, anyone with the same last name as a CCI employee gets to take over their job for the week of San Diego Comic-Con,” Dale Glanzer added.

Attendees new RFID badges will scan red or green, indicating whether they’ve won the right to proceed to the next step. For instance, for those wishing to visit certain booths on the exhibit floor, you’ll first need to win the lottery to enter the convention center, then again to enter the exhibit hall, and from there, there will be scanners at each booth. If at any point your badge scans red to indicate you’re not a winner, you’ll have to find alternate plans.

“Panel rooms will also be lotteries now,” Dale Glanzer explained. “But we have enough programming that we’re not worried. You might start off wanting to attend Marvel Studios, but after losing the lottery for 15 panels, you’ll be thankful when you finally make it into ‘When Good Crayons Go Bad! The Very Best of the Art On My Fridge.”

When asked about the changes, married longtime attendees Rolinda & Branson Trollinski didn’t seem phased. “San Diego Comic-Con has always been about adapting,” Rolinda said. “We’ve already made a pact. If I win the lottery for Hall H and Branson doesn’t, I’m going to leave him behind. I mean, there’s a 2% chance Star Wars might be there, and that’s way more important than family.”

As previously announced, Funko is finally switching to a lottery system of their own this year, though they’re taking it one step further.  In a stunning move, Funko has changed to a completely underground lottery based system. In order to purchase their exclusives you must enter at their booth to win the location of which manhole their staff will be hiding in each day.

That won’t be the only change to the exhibit floor though. To improve the work rate on sketches in Artist Alley, artists must enter the AA lottery to see which of them will be required to stay overnight at their table sketching. If they win they will not be allowed to leave for the duration of the convention.

“They’re still planning on making us use the lottery to use the bathroom, even if we’re there for all four days,” Artist Alley exhibitor Chance Blister said, shortly before being told he’d lost the lottery to complain.

As one of the most popular attractions of any convention, cosplayers have not been left out of the new lottery system. In a 3-tiered process, each cosplayer will be entered first for which costume they will wear, then for which location they can stand, and finally, which photographer will take their photo. As result of being part of the Cosplay Lottery, photographers will not have their own lottery system.

Companies wanting to run offsites this year have to enter the Offsite Location Selection Lottery. This lottery will be held nightly, where each company will have to set up on vehicles so they can move as needed. Think food trucks, but for offsite activations.

“We’ve had to get creative with our planning this year,” a representative for Game of Thrones said. “We were planning to bring a lifesize Drogon, but with limited time to assemble him, we were going to have to transport him in one piece from LA. And the state of California told us we couldn’t drag a 2,000 pound dragon down the interstate.”

Dale Glanzer did promise that all attendees could look forward to experiencing one aspect of the convention. “We ran the numbers, and can statistically guarantee that all attendees will get to attend something during the week with Chris Hardwick. It helps that he’s doing every panel and every offsite.”

For anyone who feels like this new system means they’ll be experiencing less of the convention, Dale Glanzer urged attendees not to worry. “You can catch it all on Comic-Con HQ. The line for the lottery to access the online panels will start over there.”

Happy April Fool’s!

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